A Piece Of My Heart

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“Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” 
- A.A. Milne

After seven happy years together, I was forced to say goodbye to my dear cat, Marley. As some of you know, Marley was epileptic, and on Thursday he suffered a seizure that proved to be too much for his nervous system. My boyfriend and I spent three days at the Emergency Pet Hospital, hoping for a miracle that just never came, and by Sunday it was time to say goodbye. It’s so very difficult to accept how quickly life changes! I spent Thursday morning snuggling with my boyfriend and Marley as he purred and head-butted us…I had no idea the nightmare that awaited me that evening. 

I’m trying to take comfort in the fact that Marley lead a happy and healthy life for as long as he did. Vets and feline neurologists often marveled his health and spirit, considering that he had seizures on a regular basis for his entire life. We were often told that he was lucky to have found people, who were willing to spare no expense or their own sadness to ensure that he was as healthy as could be. I always thought we were the lucky ones to have the opportunity to share our life with such a sweet, loving cat. Marley’s epilepsy just made him that much more special to me, just another reason to shower him with love every second.


Marley had quite a remarkable life – not just for a kitty with epilepsy but for any cat. Times spent together were happy times, and Marley adopted his humans’ beach bum lifestyle with ease. While living in Oregon, we spent many weekends at the coast in pet-friendly beach houses. We took walks along the beach and watched Marley boldly explore a completely new environment (on a leash, of course). From Portland, we moved to Mexico, and because of the severe floods that coincided with our arrival, it took two planes, three taxis, and a boat to get us to Sayulita. A boat! Would you believe that Marley insisted on getting out of his carrier on the boat? He did, and everyone on that boat instantly fell in love with “el gato con ojos azules” (the cat with blue eyes). We spent almost a year together in Mexico, and while I appreciated that time then, I really do now. Free of nearly all responsibility, we were able to spend more time together than ever before and, sadly, ever again. And when it was time to say goodbye to Mexico and return to the real world, we made a home together in San Francisco but not without heading to yet another beach house, this time in Santa Cruz, for a weekend getaway. 



I can’t imagine my life without Marley. Such a small cat had such a huge presence in my life, home and heart. Nothing will ever be the same. I will never be the same. The crazy cat lady life is one of great joy, but with that comes great heartache. The sadness that one feels upon losing a pet is only understood by those who have shared that incredible connection between human and animal. I’ll be taking a break from blogging and Twitter while I deal with my sorrow, console my partner and adjust to a life without my baby… I appreciate your understanding during this time, and I’ll let you all know when I’m back.




20 comments:

Adiel said...

Oh Santina! I'm so sorry! My heart goes out to you and I'm in tears for your loss. Lots of love to your little family and for Marley!

Angie said...

Dear friend.  I am so so so so sorry for your loss.  My heart is broken for you and Ben right now.  Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do for either of you.

Love,

angie

Lisa Archives Vintage said...

oh my god, santina! i am crying reading this!  i can't imagine what you are going through. you've been my thoughts all weekend, hoping this isn't what happened.  you gave marley such a full, happy life! remember that while you adjust. atlas and i are sending you much love!!!! xoxoxoxoxox

Merl said...

words can't even express. saying im sorry for your loss seems so trite compared to the sorrow you're feeling.. our pets are as much an integral part of our lives as friends and family and loosing one can be just as devastating. my heartfelt tears and love are all for you and ben and little Marley who led such a happy, love filled and exciting life. love you pumpkin please let me know if i can do anything!

kate à la mode said...

Santina, I'm so very sorry for your loss! I know how much you absolutely adored Marley. My heart goes out to you, Ben, and Sombrita. Please let me know if there's anything I can do!

Sweet Laundry said...

Oh goodness, I was afraid something like this might have happened when you didn't update your twitter feed. I'm so sorry for your loss. Marley was very lucky to have you...and you him. My love to you and the family. xo

kim m. said...

santina, i am so sorry to hear about the passing of marley. it sounds like you made a wonderful life for him, and he in turn became a big part of your life. i am thinking of you and ben and please let me know if there is anything i can do...xoxo

Courtney Thomas said...

I am so so so sorry. I just want to hug one of my ginger babies right now. As hard and sad and painful as it is right now it sounds like he led a wonderfully happy with people who really loved and treasured him and, sadly, that's more than a lot of cats experience.

Cynthia said...

Aww.  Sorry to hear about your beautiful cat.  It sounds like he had more adventure in his time with you than most cats get.  Since 2008, I have had four die (my original generation that I adopted in my early 20s).  The last to go was my special guy Mharnu, who just died on my birthday in Nov.  There'll never be another exactly like him.  So I know exactly how you are feeling right now.  

Kaylyn said...

Oh my god, I'm so sorry Santina! I got emotional reading this because I know this pain and it is so hard but you gave him a very good life. Take time to take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.

A Stylized Hysteria said...

Oh Santina, I am so so very sorry. I've been thinking about you since you posted that you were at the vet. You really are an angel for giving Marley such an incredible life. I don't know what else to say but I wish I could give you a hug. My girls will get extra kisses tonight in honor of Marley.

Maria said...

I'm sitting here crying and can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss, Santina. I know there's nothing that anyone can say to make the situation any better, but think of the good times you shared and what an amazing life you provided him. It will get easier, but take your time healing. I'm here for you if you need me! XO

Solstone said...

Despite his epilepsy, Marley was a very, very lucky kitteh.

dontcallmejesse said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sweet, sweet cat. I grew up with cats in my family household, but last year, I became the proud kitty mama of two rescued kittens (they were found as newborns outside a hotel), and my life has changed so much for the better ever since. There are just no words to describe the love you feel both for and from your pets. They bring me so much joy and laughter. I hope they both live long and happy lives, but even if they don't, I will love them as much as possible for as long as they're here. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I feel especially heavy-hearted because I had epilepsy myself (a rare form that only lasted through puberty) - so I feel bonded to animals who go through it, too. I'm just so happy he had such a loving home. One day, maybe soon, maybe far in the future, I hope another cat has the privilege to have you as a mama. <3

Shop Sweet Things with Jeanne said...

I am so, so sorry to hear, Santina. I can't believe I only found out about it until now. Gosh, tears in my eyes just reading your post. Hope your recovering well and I know Marley will always have you in his heart. My best, Jeanne. 

Nnenna said...

Oh Santina, I'm so sorry to hear the news about Marley.  As a new pet owner who already can't picture my life without my kitty Milton, I can only imagine how devastated you must be.  Sending lots of hugs your way. xx Nnenna

Margot Bookspan said...

I am so sorry to hear this Santina. That is terrible. It does sound like Marley had a wonderful life and was luck y to have you as an owner. I know that it will take time to heal, I hope you are feeling better soon and just remember all of the wonderful times you shared with him.  

lots of love and my thoughts are with you.
xo
Margot

Amy said...

My heart is aching for you right now, Santina.  I do know the depth of this pain from my own experience so I know that there are few words that can be said that will help.  I am so thankful for the beautiful tribute you have composed here, which shows you know exactly how to frame your love for Marley and the mutual gift you all shared from your time and fantastic experiences together.  I wish I could tell you it will feel all better soon, but it really does take a long time...I still cry when I talk about my precious little Pepper, and it has been over 5 years.   Give yourself as much time as you need.  It is only proof of experiencing the truest, deepest kind of love, and Marley did have the happiest life a kitty could ever hope for.  (And all kitties go to heaven, you know.)  My thoughts are with you.

Natalie Garza said...

Oh Santina, I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Marley had an awesome life and I'm sure he's up in kitty heaven looking down at you past his cute little black nose. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but I know nothing can heal you other than time.

GRIT & GLAMOUR said...

Santina, so, so sorry to read this post. I know how it feels to lose a beloved pet, especially when there were still years left to be lived. You've got a piece of my heart...sending you comfort and love in your time of loss. You will see Marley again. I hope you will take some comfort in that.

xo

V

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